12.05.2004 | Cheesy Virgin

Where to begin? There's just so much wrong with this little "faith" story that appeared in today's Washington Post. First, the basics from the story:

Diana Duyser, a resident of Hollywood, Fla., made the sandwich a decade ago and, after taking a bite, saw "the Virgin Mary staring back at me," she said. Duyser kept the sandwich in a plastic container beside her bed before selling it last week to GoldenPalace.com, an online casino.

Kind of says it all, actually. As in how cheesy is the religion of some so-called Christians. The article tells the story, with the equivalent of a straight face, as to how it is "not likely" that Holy Mother Church will recognize this cheese sandwich as a "divine apparition."

Jesus on a taco, and all of that. Why is it that people think that our Lord, or His mom, have to stoop to conjurer's tricks to get noticed? Not that I've anything against a good cheese sandwich. As for a religion that depends on certifying as miraculous the equivalent of conjurer's tricks, I have no use. This is primitivism, and pagan worship of an idol. In this case, the idolization of a cheese sandwich.

Of course, GoldenPalace.com did, apparently, shell out $28,000 for this way-stale sandwich. Since I will not knowingly link to a spam site, I don't know what they might be doing with this holy cheese sandwich. I'm sure it's nothing to do with Jesus Christ, and everything to do with idolaters seeing pagan apparitions in their food.

Of course, this particular idolater is having one over on the rest of us. She got a bundle of cash for a sandwich, and we get to waste our time reading about it.